I Hope You Dance

If you have not yet seen the JK Wedding Entrance Dance...

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger, May you never take one single breath for granted, God forbid love ever leave you empty handed, I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens, Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance....I hope you dance." -'I Hope You Dance', Lee Ann Womack

The Time Travel Theory of Vacation

I have a theory about vacation. It is very simple. When you go on vacation of greater than 3 days, you grow and feel a little younger and come back (sometimes or that is the intent) rejuvenated. However, your co-workers who remained behind aged normally and nothing has really changed. They're like 'oh boy, she's back. whoppee!'

From Einstein's Theory of Relativity, smart people have postulated that if a spaceship traveled at speeds approaching the speed of light, "their great speed slows down the rate of passage of on-board time...[making] it possible for passengers in a fast-moving vehicle to travel further into the future while aging very little"

So, when you go on vacation, think of it as an escape from your present into the future while remaining in the present...

Happy Time Traveling!!!

Credit: Creative Commons photo by ronocdh

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I went to two disparate events today. I'll write about Jennifer Weiner later - she is a riot - as an audience member told her during Q&A - 'you're wildly funny in non-fiction'.

First, I went to a memorial ceremony for an old family friend today. One person flew in from Tokyo to pay his respects to the family and is flying back tomorrow. Probably the most successful individual I have ever known personally. Super competitive - I remember playing table tennis with him and he'd spot me 15 points (21 point game) and still win. Crazy spin on the ping pong ball. How frustrating it was to always lose but I admit it was fun to see him enjoying the win. Super smart - I learned today that he got his Ph.D. in Biochemistry from Purdue University in only two years. That's unheard of. Mentor to so many people.

I wasn't really close to him but I was affected by his loss. More wealth than most people could ever imagine amassing, yet he could not ultimately defeat cancer. One thing that struck me from hearing the stories shared by the speakers at his memorial was that he was his own person. From having a collection of hundreds of unique hats and wearing them proudly to shoveling snow off the public courts with his four-some to play tennis in Winter-time when they could have easily played indoors sands winter coats to being the toughest but most caring boss to...

It was awkward after the ceremony making catch-up talk with his extended family and friends. To see the kids of his kids introduce their husband to me (I'd known them when they were wee small). However, it was a nice wakeup call about life (again). Hopefully, I don't snooze it.

Be your unique self.

Keith Ferrazzi: Who's Got Your Back?

"Invite other people in to be themselves" 

-Keith Ferrazzi

Keith Ferrazzi. He wrote "Never Eat Alone", a NY Times best-seller. Several individuals I respect for their business success had recommended that book to me. I'd even read an excellent Inc magazine article about him titled in part: the 10 Secrets of a Master Networker. 

Keith was in Philly on Tuesday for a free event (WGYB). The event was held at at the Park Hyatt in a Beauty-and-the-Beast'esque grand ballroom filled with a wide demographic of professional types.

I expected Keith to be a grizzled, bearded old guy. My pre-conceived image of a master networker. At 6:30PM (supposed to start at 6PM - but maybe that wasn't late - tip to remember) I was frankly shocked to see a youthful, boyish looking (and clean-shaven) guy. This is the guy who has 5,000 contacts? Who makes hundreds of phone calls a day? Who has Bill Clinton in his network?

As my friend pointed out, he wasn't the best public speaker. But, as he loosened up (or maybe I opened up), Keith really grew on me. It's one thing to have an opinion about something, quite another to have credentials (be an expert e.g. 5,000 contacts) backing that opinion, and even more different to be that expert and share and teach with passion and vulnerability and non-pretentiousness. 

Keith says that you have to have two to three people in our life with whom you can be yourself, be vulnerable. Two to three individuals who are generous to the point that they will not let you fail. Who make sure that you are held accountable for the stuff you say you are going to do. That the changes in your life have to occur with and through other people's support. As I know all too dearly, if you make a promise to yourself and don't tell anyone and break it - you're chipping away at yourself.

One of the biggest life-changing events of my life was doing a triathlon through Team-in-Training about 4 years ago. Vulnerability: Asking hundreds of people for money. The hardest part of Team-in-Training is not the athletic training - it's the fundraising. ($3,800 in my case). Accountability: My triathlon teammate Craig and I would call each other on a Tuesday and say 'See you at the Y at 5:30am Thu). We'd both have to show up that morning - otherwise there'd be consequences of trust. Oh, and once you start raising thousands of dollars for Leukemia, you have to learn how to swim one mile and complete the race. And I did. I ended up raising just shy of $6K and was asked to come back and mentor (basically, help new participants fundraise, keep them motivated) the next season and that led to a unforeseen logical leap 'Why not move to Philly?'

The elegance of Keith's presentation was that he had two interactive exercises. "What is your dream?" and "What holds you back?". He gave us five minutes to do these with three people (a real-life impromptu WGYB). I did these exercises with two friends, and people who had never met before the event or maybe were just co-workers (close but not intimate), connected for real, by sharing themselves for real. Just trying to articulate what holds you back or what your dream is with someone who is really listening is quite an amazing experience. As Keith said, what holds you back is a habit that is also an addiction. In that context, it's painful to admit what I am addicted to.

I didn't buy his book. I did start to be sold on his message. Who can you be vulnerable with?

The Lord of the Dance

Strangely inspirational.

In Search of Our Own Grey Gardens

Last week I attending the opening of Grey Gardens at the Philadelphia Theatre Company's Suzanne Roberts Theatre. (The image at left is from the original documentary trailer in 1976.) The show, an interesting take on this crazy mother-daughter duo set to music that somehow combines old '40s-era glamour and Sondheim-inflected quirk ("Jerry doesn't want any sex with you!" sings Big Edie to Little Edie) ticks along without a hitch, as the projection-lit set spins madly from lush Waverly florals and Arcadian landscapes to a dilapidated kitty playground. Kim Carson as young Little Edie, Hollis Resnik as young Big Edie and old Little Edie, and Joy Franz as old Big Edie all nail their roles, playing off each other in true mother-daughter fashion. Resnik in particular elaborates Carson's earlier tics and habits into compulsive and constant motion as Little Edie. Franz's Big Edie turns on a dime from querulous cat lady to nurturing grande dame with the arrival of Jerry, a young pothead who hangs out at Grey Gardens with its aging recluses. And Carson shows us all of Little Edie's potential at the moment of its destruction--"The Girl Who Has Everything" except (thanks to her mother) a wedding ring and a life of her own.

Watching the show, I imagined one could come away with a sense of distance from these ridiculously wealthy women who lost everything, including their ability to function in the world. Instead, I found myself sympathizing with both of these women. They lived in a world of men who measured their worth as adornments--Little Edie's young cousin Jackie Bouvier reminds us throughout the show of the extent to which she perfected this role. How, then, can we wonder at the lengths the Edies would go to, to escape this masculine world? Or at the same time their desperation to be a part of it? And how far have we really come?

For myself, I sympathize with the urge to wrap oneself in the trappings of middle-class comfort: a house, a yard, a car, summer barbecues and winter vacations to warmer climes. I also recognize, having given these things up, that the trappings can be a trap, soothing one with normality and mainstream acceptability while at the same time condemning anything that veers outside the boundaries. I never lived in the Hamptons, where "they get you for wearing red on Thursdays" according to Little Edie, but I have felt the pressure that comes from familial and social expectations. It's not easy to walk away from those expectations without cutting myself off from the people who hold them.

How many of us are trapped in Grey Gardens of our own? Not even necessarily because of our gender, but because we make choices based on social pressures rather than the pressures of our own hearts? And how many of us, in choosing to ignore or flout the mainstream, become mere tangents to the workings of the world around us? For me, the Edies issue a challenge to the rest of us: live authentically, and with passion, in the world. It's a delicate balance. I'm going to try to find it.